I Can’t Keep Fighting To Make You Love Me

 

‘Dear’ Ex,

I am done! This time, I quit. There is no more meaning in fighting for someone who will never be mine. In fact, when I look back I can see that you always were everybody else’s except mine. And that hurts. It hurts so bad that I can actually feel physical pain. Every time you would say something that hurt me I felt like someone punched me in the stomach and pushed out all the air. In one moment I would catch myself not breathing while there were new thoughts that kept rushing into my head:

How could he do this? Doesn’t he love me?

And then I would come back to reality, struggling to get some air and trying to look good in front of all those people.

You see, a woman in love shouldn’t feel that way. She should feel like someone who doesn’t have any problems in her life. She should feel that the love for her partner is so deep that an ocean would be jealous of it.

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She should feel the peace that all those people in love feel. But with you that wasn’t the case. I felt all the bad things and if I was about to enjoy a day with my loved ones, you would come and destroy it all. You destroyed my happiness like it was a house of cards. You made me suffer like nobody before you did. While I was with you, I couldn’t recognize myself anymore. I was a totally different person – the one who begs for a little bit of love, the one who doesn’t want to be abandoned.

Yes, I went through hell and back with you but in all that, I learned to love myself. I learned that I am worthy and much more than you have ever given me credit for. I learned that with the right man I could actually be happy and satisfied like all the other women.

And once I realized that, I stopped fighting for you.

Because there wasn’t any sense in keeping something that was already dead. Our love was dead from the moment you didn’t choose me. Our love died that night, when you chose her over me, the same night I felt that my heart was broken into a million pieces and like it would stay like that forever. I don’t know if I will ever be the same me. I don’t know if I will ever be able to love someone like I loved you. You know, when you are broken, that is almost a mission impossible.

After you broke it, I picked up all those pieces of my heart that were lying in front of you. I took them and selfishly kept them for me only. I tried so much to recover from this pain that you caused me. But somehow I feel that I will never be the old me. Maybe that is good, because I will now never let any other man lead me on. Maybe I will be stronger and just maybe I will not get into the same situation again.

In the end, I am not the first one and I won’t be the last one to have bad luck in love.

But I hope that I will be the old me again. After some time passes and after I get over you, I hope that I will find someone who will treat me the way I deserve.

I made up my mind: I will be happy in a relationship or I won’t be a part of one. That’s a lesson I learned in a tough way. And nobody can take that experience away from me.

I just want to tell you one more thing: I loved you with all my heart! You meant the world to me but unfortunately you didn’t know to cherish what we had. And if you ever catch yourself asking why I stopped fighting for you, know this:

YOU chose to stop fighting for me and if you were stupid enough to walk away, then I was clever enough to let you go.

With zero love,

One who deserves much more

 

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